


Medicine Man

by wistfulstargazer



Category: Vast Error
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Behavior, F/M, Lack of Communication, Light Angst, POV First Person, Pre-Canon, Unresolved Angst, learn to talk to each other please, they're so good and I love them but yall., which yeah they don't know how to communicate in the comic so.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22293721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wistfulstargazer/pseuds/wistfulstargazer
Summary: Ellsee and Occeus have a conversation.
Relationships: Occeus Coliad/Ellsee Raines
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Medicine Man

WhΣnΣvΣr you comΣ ovΣr, I always prΣfΣr bΣing thΣ onΣ to hold you. In bΣtwΣΣn your visits I'd gΣt this pit in my stomach and tightnΣss in my chΣst and I guΣss bΣing ablΣ to put all of that right up against you hΣlps¿ So, whΣnΣvΣr wΣ lay down bΣforΣ going to slΣΣp I always bring mysΣlf as closΣ as I can to your back to try and fill that ΣmptinΣss and I always fΣΣl likΣ it would bΣ nicΣr if I could wrap both arms around you but wΣ both agrΣΣ that's not actually comfortablΣ. Part of mΣ still wants to, though, ΣvΣn whΣn I know it's dumb. And, ΣvΣn though I know it makΣs rΣsting hardΣr, I wish wΣ didn't havΣ to go to our rΣspΣctivΣ sidΣs whΣn wΣ wΣnt to slΣΣp.

I wantΣd to say that you know all of that, but you actually don't know most of it¿¿ Which isn't your fault¡¡

ThΣrΣ arΣ a lot of things likΣ that, that I want.

WΣ'rΣ lying down now and I'm as closΣ as I can bΣ, and I still want to bΣ so much closΣr. If I could just mΣlt into you I would, bΣcausΣ thΣsΣ momΣnts arΣ so fΣw and so quick and I wish thΣy could last forΣvΣr. I try to match my brΣathing to yours now, mostly bΣcausΣ I noticΣd it and it sΣΣms likΣ thΣ right thing to do¿¿¿¿ I don't know.

I worry so much about whΣthΣr I'm doing all of this right, OccΣus. I look at othΣr pΣoplΣ and I always gΣt scarΣd that maybΣ I'm doing somΣthing wrong. AftΣr ΣvΣrything that happΣnΣd with our friΣnd group, it's hard to not bΣ afraid that maybΣ thΣrΣ's somΣthing wrong with mΣ. That maybΣ I am bad, or somΣthing. I don't know. But, I worry so much.

"HΣy, OccΣus¿¿"

I prop mysΣlf up somΣ, thΣ fabric of my slΣΣvΣs pooling around my Σlbows, as you turn somΣ and givΣ an inquisitivΣ hum.

"Is ΣvΣrything…"

I pausΣ. ΣvΣn though I ask you this prΣtty much ΣvΣry timΣ you comΣ ovΣr, it is always such a strugglΣ. I am always so scarΣd thΣ answΣr will havΣ changΣd.

"Is ΣvΣrything okay¿"

"Well, my w.o.rk is, as always, demanding .o.f my time, but eye think that eye am getting cl.o.se t.o. a maj.o.r breakthr.o.ugh, which-"

"Wait, not-"

I lΣt out a shallow sigh, frustratΣd with mysΣlf morΣ than anything.

"I mΣan with us. ArΣ wΣ okay¿¿"

"Ah! Eye see."

You turn ovΣr all thΣ way now, to facΣ mΣ, and I immΣdiatΣly look away. I don't want to sΣΣ if thΣrΣ's sadnΣss or angΣr or wΣarinΣss in your ΣyΣs, and I can't handlΣ you bΣing ablΣ to sΣΣ in minΣ right now. ΣvΣn so, you put a rΣassuring hand on my facΣ.

".O.f c.o.urse we are, my l.o.ve. Eye kn.o.w that my w.o.rk keeps me very .o.ccupied, but eye c.o.uld never st.o.p caring f.o.r y.o.u."

I chancΣ a look at your facΣ and oh gods you rΣally mΣan it I'm sorry I doubt you, I'm sorry I nΣΣd so much, I-

"Eye l.o.ve y.o.u, Ellsee. D.o. n.o.t ever d.o.ubt that."

"I lovΣ you too, OccΣus¡ And, I always will."

I wrap my arms around you and gΣt as closΣ to you as I can, savoring thΣ ΣmbracΣ.

"And, thΣrΣ-"

I movΣ back a littlΣ bit, gΣtting rΣady for my sΣcond tΣrrifying quΣstion. For diffΣrΣnt rΣasons, though.

"Is thΣrΣ anything that you want from mΣ¿¿"

My words comΣ out quickΣr now, I hatΣ having to ask but I just nΣΣd to chΣck, to _try._

"LikΣ, anything that you don't want mΣ to do¿¿ Or anything that you do want from mΣ¿¿¿¿ Or that you want mΣ to do¿¿¿¿¿¿ Or…"

I trail off, knowing that you'll gΣt thΣ drift. WΣ'vΣ had this convΣrsation countlΣss timΣs.

It takΣs you a momΣnt to rΣply, and I know it's bΣcausΣ you'rΣ thinking.

"Eye d.o. n.o.t think s.o., eye am happy with h.o.w we are."

It's unsurprising but, just likΣ always, it still hurts a littlΣ bit, a dull pain that I know is only going to gΣt worsΣ whΣn-

"And, y.o.u? Is there anything y.o.u w.o.uld like?"

...yΣah.

ThΣ problΣm is, thΣrΣ is so much that I would likΣ. That I want. That I wish.

I wish you'd say I lovΣ you morΣ. That you'd maybΣ ΣvΣn somΣtimΣs say it without mΣ having to lΣad you into it onΣ way or thΣ othΣr¡ I wish you'd do thΣ samΣ whΣn wΣ kiss, bΣcausΣ I am so tirΣd of having to initiatΣ that, too. I wish that you'd actually, rΣally kiss mΣ, likΣ somΣthing out of a moviΣ instΣad of thΣ short, chastΣ onΣs I gΣt. I wish you didn't trΣat mΣ likΣ I was so fragilΣ, that your touchΣs wΣrΣn't lightΣr than a fΣathΣr, that you'd lΣt yoursΣlf bΣ ΣvΣn thΣ slightΣst bit rough¡¡ Or, just anything that didn't fΣΣl likΣ a carΣfully considΣrΣd prΣdΣtΣrminΣd action¡¡¡¡ BΣcausΣ I lovΣ you so much that it hurts, and, and, and-

_Fuck,_ OccΣus, I just wish you madΣ mΣ actually fΣΣl likΣ you wantΣd mΣ, too.

And I wish I didn't havΣ to ask. BΣcausΣ I know if I ask you for any of that, thΣn it won't bΣ natural. You would just bΣ doing things bΣcausΣ I askΣd, not bΣcausΣ you actually wantΣd, and I'd so much rathΣr gΣt nothing than havΣ that.

ThΣrΣ arΣ things I'd likΣ, but I can nΣvΣr actually say thΣm. So-

"NopΣ¡¡"

I put on my most convincing smilΣ for you, bΣcausΣ I don't want you to havΣ to worry if you'rΣ doing things wrong.

"I'm complΣtΣly happy, too. Thank you for asking, though."

WΣ go to slΣΣp shortly aftΣr that, and as I turn ovΣr, that ΣmptinΣss in my chΣst wΣighs down on mΣ ΣvΣn morΣ.


End file.
